5 The sidewalk outside Bar Marmont
This trendy nighttime hotspot located on Sunset Boulevard sits at the base of the Hollywood hills and serves as the bar for the world famous Chateau Marmont Hotel next. It’s a hotel that Lindsay spent several months living in during her times of trouble, yet somehow felt less than compelled to provide compensation for. The troubled starlet owes the Marmont upwards of $20,000, costs that include wrangling a coked-up marmoset she left in the room, replacing the bed she chain sawed in half, and removing tire tracks from the carpet (which is remarkable considering she was on the tenth floor). Never one to back down though, Lindsay has refused to let her significant debt stop her from constantly trying to enter the bar, and constantly getting tossed out a’ la Jazz from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
4 Under the pile of jackets at your party
It seems unlikely, but you might just want to check, because Lindsay Lohan has become the raccoon of the celebrity world; you never know where she might pop up. Maybe she wandered in when the party was in full swing and you didn’t notice. Then she slipped into the master bathroom, blew a few lines off the back of your toilet, punched your cat for “getting in her personal space,” and slipped into a sweet slumber under the peaceful comfort of your friends’ and family’s coats. Also, she might have just smashed her car through your bedroom wall and wound up in a pile of twisted metal, shredded jackets and blinking hazard lights.
3 The morgue
Relax, we’re not cracking a joke about how the troubled young starlet is sure to prematurely end up in a morgue. People like Lindsay live forever, in spite of their best efforts. The real reason you might see her hanging around the morgue is because that was the community service punishment she was given in one of her latest 27 court appearances (we can’t remember which one, but we think it was the time she stole and subsequently crashed the channel 4 news-copter into the LA River). So in the unfortunate situation that you have to visit the morgue to ID a body, think of the upside, you might spot Lindsay Lohan mopping up formaldehyde.
2 Taco Bell
Let’s be honest, if you’re hunting for drunks, make a run for the border. Late night trips to Taco Bell are to booze hounds what trips to Graceland are for Elvis fanatics, and celebrities are no different. It doesn’t matter how famous you are, there’s simply no resisting fourth-meal once your blood alcohol level reaches twice the legal driving limit. And if you stake out any Hollywood area Taco Bell long enough, you’ll surely spot Miss Lohan stumble in, order a Crunchwrap Supreme, and immediately purge it upon the counter.
1 Just off Pacific Coast Highway
If you’re driving on Southern California’s most notably scenic highway, be sure to keep your eyes peeled, because there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to see Southern California’s most notoriously troubled young actress nearby. Whether she’s slamming her brand new Porsche into the concrete divider, or the car in front of her, or a roadside clam shack, or even just driving it into the ocean, Lindsay is often out enjoying a relaxing yet potentially deadly drive on PCH. And even when she’s not in her car, you might just see her picking up litter in an orange jumpsuit just off the shoulder.
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