5 He crushed Mitt Romney’s chances
If asked what they think the turning point in Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign was, most would agree it all started going downhill when the tape of Romney effectively bagging on 47% of this country’s residents. You’ll also probably remember that a bartender at a private Romney fundraiser took the video secretly. And who was that bartender, you ask? That’s right. James Franco. Never one for downtime and always looking to bolster his financial stability, Franco had taken a part time gig with a catering company, which happened to place him on the staff for this very event. Once Romney started spouting off, Franco slyly took out his iPhone and the rest is history.
4 He taught Cesar Millan how to dog whisper
Before he studied under James Franco, Cesar Millan was just another guy pleading with his Chihuahua to shut the hell up. Yes, television’s famed “Dog Whisperer” couldn’t get his dog to stop crapping in his shoes before Franco taught him the secret language of the canine. Since their time together, Millan has gone on to international fame and fortune, employing Franco’s teachings and travelling the world training even the most unruly and seemingly unreachable dogs on how to behave properly. To this day, if you look closely, at the end of each episode of “The Dog Whisperer,” the credits offer a special thank you to none other than Mr. James Franco.
3 He killed Bin Laden
Okay, maybe not directly. We’re not going to be ridiculous and try to convince you that James Franco actually pulled the trigger, but he may as well have. Because it was thanks to intel gathered by Franco over the course of ten years that eventually led Seal Team Six to the compound in Pakistan on that fateful night. Being a personable Hollywood celebrity, Franco used his easygoing manner and charming smile to obtain information no other man would have likely been able to get. Let’s just say that more than a few conversations he had with known Al-Qaeda members ended with the men blushing and bashfully admitting “Okay, really though, that’s enough. I’ve already said too much.”
2 He’s the reason your son’s math scores have improved
You know how your son has been putting in the extra effort studying and staying after school in order to raise his grades in algebra? Guess what… you can thank James Franco for that, too. It’s true, when Franco heard how far American kids were falling behind competing nations in math and science scores, he took it upon himself to go school to school, tutoring kids one by one until America was once again at the forefront of childhood education. So when your boy walks into the living room a few years from now, a smile beaming across his face and tells you he’s been accepted into Princeton, you’d better be prepared to send James Franco one hell of a fruit basket.
1 He landed that crashing plane in the Hudson River
Yes, as far as the public is concerned, Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger is the man who saved a plane full of doomed passengers when he landed it safely on the Hudson following a mid-air bird-strike back in 2009. However, the truth is, James Franco was on that very flight, and he in fact commandeered the plane when the panicked pilots admitted they had no idea what to do next. After landing safely atop the murky river waters, Franco took his seat back in coach (because he’s just that humble), and allowed Sully to take the hero’s due rather than be forced to admit he turned over the reins to the dreamy actor.
There you have it, now you’re even better informed on just how much better James Franco really is than you. But seriously, there’s no shame in being proud of yourself for vacuuming the living room just because it needed it. After all, we can’t all be James Franco.
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